Go To My Happy Place

(above is my actual desk)

Raise your hand if you've got a small desk.

(I do! I do!)

There is no space to do jack shit. I've got three stacks of paper on my desk and I'm feeling encroached upon. It drives me nuts on a daily basis.

See the thing is, I have this odd mixture of OCD and claustrophobia. I'd like to call it fukdaclutteria. If I am sitting at a desk or table, and things aren't arranged just so, I have to fix it. This happens at restaurants, people's houses, my office, other people's offices, etc, etc. (ask me if I have a neat room.....hahahahaha! ha!). I try to keep organized at work by filing things away, shredding, and putting things in their "place". However, I push an inordinate amount of paper and receive obscene amounts of mail on a daily basis. So I seperate those things into two to-do stacks: job A and job B. Then someone will bring me a report to look over. Then a box of something. Then some supplies. Then a sign up sheet. Then. Then. Then. Next thing I know my desk is piled with crap and my three semi-neat piles have sudden turn into a tree graveyard....paper everywhere (it makes me sad for Mother Earth).

Then I will proceed to have somewhat of a panic attack and do the following:

1. Perch at the edge of chair.

2. Look around my desk in a highly panicked manner.

3. Shake hands in the air.

4. Speak to myself under my breathe: "I can't take this."

5. Fastidiously arrange things on desk.

This is the behavior of a crazy person.

A crazy person with fukdaclutteria.

True Colors

So as you saw a few posts back, the boyfriend and I broke up.

I can definitely say its for the best. Its so scary to me to think that I thought I knew him, because its becoming fairly apparent that I never did. Granted anyone can say hurtful things in the heat of an argument, but I cannot attest the things said last night to a slip of the tongue.

Things were said that were purposefully hurtful, not only to me, but to my friends and family. When you go there, that's where I draw the line. The thing is, he was completely unapologetic, proud, and clearly stated that: "This is me. I have finally discovered who I am and I'm finally happy." I'm not sure that being a complete and utter asshole equates to having confidence in yourself and who you are.....it equates more to being insecure and scared.

This is a person I will absolutely be cutting out of my life in all ways possible (and I am totally not that type of person.....I have never done this sort of thing in my life). It seems as though he wants to hurt me and those around me as much as possible because he is hurting. How a person can be so negative is beyond me. To think I was even attempting to work on having a friendship with him, and the response I got was a hate-filled flurry of texts and emails. Everything I ever told him in confidence (all my fears, secrets, etc.) was used against me last night.



This is someone I loved for four years. Someone I thought I knew. I have never felt so betrayed in all my life.

ALL POINTS WEST MUSIC & ART FESTIVAL....

I have just one word to sum up this past weekends All Points West Festival in Liberty State Park: AMAZING. Radiohead (which we saw both Friday and Saturday nights) was like a religious experience.....I feel as though I will never be the same again. My favorite song had to have been the very last song of their encore Friday night: "Everything In It's Right Place", which was dedicated to and heavily infused with the vibe of Underworld.







And we were WAAAAAAY closer than the the people who recorded the videos above :)

I will blog more about the weekend's festivities laters.......

A Sad Update On Our Little Bird

As my sister left work last Friday, she checked on our little bird to make sure it was okay. It looked well and she left it there in good confidence knowing that it would be okay and he/she was going to make it.

Fast forward to Monday morning. She found a crushed bird that looked similar to ours, very close to the same spot the bird was left that fateful evening. We cannot prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the crushed little bird was ours, but there is too much circumstantial evidence to suggest otherwise.

Rest in peace little one. We tried.

Saving The World, One Step At A Time

Picture provided by acercanto of Flickr

So my sister and I met up in the garage at work to get lunch today. There are a ton of birds down there that like to build their nests and dive bomb you if you get to close to their babies. It's awesome.

As we were walking to her car, we noticed a bird that was sitting in the middle of the driveway, perfectly still. We walked up closer to it (about 2 feet away) and it didn't budge.

Me: "Is it real?"

Sister: "I think so. Its weird its not even moving."

Me: "Is it dead?"

Sister: "I don't know..."

We both then proceeded to dig through our purses to find something to throw at the bird. Gosh, aren't we so sweet and caring? We tore off little pieces of paper and balled them up to throw at the bird to see if we could get it to move because we were too scared to get close to it. I missed. She missed. I got closer and finally hit the bird with the little ball of paper. Then the freakiest thing happened. The bird slowly turn its head towards us, Exorcist-style. So we ran away screaming like girls.....because we're girls.

Sister: "There's something seriously wrong with that bird!"

Me: "I think its dying."

Sister: "Awwww poor little bird! Maybe it'll be on its side when we get back from lunch."

We are animal lovers.

Brimming with anxiety to see what happened to the bird, we made it a point to check on it. As we pulled into the garage, it was still there, but it looked as if it had fallen over. Once parked, we jumped out of the car to get a closer look. It was now sitting down in the middle of the driveway. Upon closer inspection, we realized it was just a little baby bird that had fallen from the nest as it still had little downy feathers on the top of its head.

Sister: "What should we do? We can't leave it here!"

Me: " I know, it'll get run over!"

We then turned around in circles for a good 15 seconds. I finally pulled out an old insurance card from my purse to try to move the bird with.

Me: "I'm sacred!"

Sister: " Just do it!" (she's the older one obviously)

I slowly nudged the bird along into an empty parking space. Still not a good spot. I think I eventually scared the little guy, because he flew into the tire well of one of my sister's co-worker's car.

Me: "Phew!"

Sister: "I'm going to let my co-worker know there is a tiny bird chilling in her tire well so it doesn't get crushed. Poor little guy, he's probably hungry!"

Me: "Well if worse comes to worst, we can take it to the animal shelter down the street."

Sister: "I feel better about this now."

Me: "I'm totally blogging about this when I get inside."

A Few Things...

Picture provided by dr. freshmilk of Flickr

First, I'm ranting about bathroom behaviors. Why is it that there could be 187 stalls in a bathroom and someone walks in and decides to occupy the stall RIGHT NEXT TO YOU? I don't understand this! Out of the 187 stalls you mean to tell me that the only one that's clean enough to use is the one right next to me? Uggggghh. I should do some toe tappin' so they might think I'm trying to make sexual advances towards them (although I think this only works for persons of the male persuasion).

Next, I am SOOOOOOOOO friggin' excited to be going to the All Points West festival with my bestie Deutlich. We are going to have a blast (read: terrorize Jersey) and hear some amazing bands. I've been waiting for this since the tickets went on sale. Now that we're fast approaching the date, time is moving at a glacial pace.

Also, I'd like to give a shot out to my Sailor whom I know is reading. Stay safe until September so we can hang out! And thanks so much for your support.

I'd also like to thank my friends and family for their support during this difficult transitionary period I'm going through with my break up. I don't know where I'd be without you guys (tear). Those who commented on my break up blog as well, your well-wishes mean the world to me. You all didn't have to comment on that particular blog, but you did, and it gave me warm fuzzies. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

And lastly, I have a few questions:

Is it wrong that I have worn the same dress about 5 times without it being washed because it still smells like the beach? (I'm still holding on to vacation!)

Having a foot fetish...pretty odd right?

Is it just me, or does it seem weird to be on an elevator with someone (alone) that's singing to themselves?

You're Getting Veeeeery Sleeeeeepy....

Picture provided by Nick Wilkes from Flickr

Perhaps when I'm at work, I need to change my last.fm station from classical to something more upbeat.....especially after lunch....and not turn my space heater to high.....and not pull a blanket onto my lap.....and not recline in my cushiony leather chair....and not start daydreaming of the beach...warm sands, soft sun....ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz

On a side (yet sad) note (what is it with the end of this month? Christ on a bike! When am I going to catch a break?) my neighbors who have been like my second set of parents are moving away to middle America. I love them so much and was secretly (and selfishly) hoping that their house wouldn't sell with the housing market being crap and all. However, they just stopped by this evening to let me and my parents know that they sold. Boo hoo! Why do people have to get old and retire and move away and stuff? Don't they know its all about me?! I will miss them a great deal and I thank them for the vast and unwavering support they provided me for the past 20 years.

Being Single....Good AND Bad

Picture provided by: ginthefur's from Flicker

So, my boyfriend and I of four years just broke up.

It's just so difficult and yet freeing.

I am the type of person that likes to be coupled up. I love being in a relationship. I don't know what it is about me, its not like I'm completely insecure and need a man to define myself....but I just know myself in the fact that I love being in love. It's always been hard for me to see past the bullshit, think clearly and say: "You know what? You're crazy and this is fucking up my life!". It makes me a little bit upset to see that everyone is coupled up. Not that I'm jealous or not happy for my friends/family, but its rough. I think about major holidays like Christmas (or insert your winter holiday in the name of Christmas) and New Year's and I get a little depressed. It's so difficult when a person was such a big part of your life, and then just like THAT, you're all alone (not to say that I'm broke-down.....I have AMAZING friends and family, that have and always will have my back at all times).

At the same time, I'm excited about being single. I think about being back in high school and being in college and how much more outgoing I was when I was single (or exploring my options). It seems as though when I'm in a relationship, I stop thinking about ME, and focus all my energy and time on the other person. It's not like I'm incapable of being in a relationship, but I just think I might have been with the wrong person. Not to say that he was a horrible person, I just now realize that we may have been severely incompatible. He is wonderful and sweet in so many ways, but unfortunatley, due to that incompatibility, we were unable to communicate in a way to rectify and correct our wrongs. It sucks, but it is what it is.

I just don't know. Again, I'm excited and yet soooo scared at the same time. I just hope for the best. For me and for the most recent ex. I learned some things about myself and I hope he has as well. I just have to say, that I loved him and a part of me always will. I hope he is happy, I hope that he figures things out for himself, and I'm especially grateful for the opportunity I had to get to know him and all the happy times. The happy times always outweighed the bad for me.

Tyra And Porn

Okay, so I'm supposed to be working from home right now because our stupid internet connection went down at work today, but obviously I am currently distracted because the first thing I did when I got to my sister's apartment was turn on the TV.

I'm watching Tyra (because I like to torture myself), and the topic today is "Women and Porn". Tyra has been surprisingly neutral on the topic and shockingly hasn't deflected attention away from her guest to talk about herself ("We'll, when I was watching this porno about butthole pleasures, I thought about this one time I was in Italy and how hard it is to be a black model....").

Its just shocking to me how many women despise porn. Don't get me wrong, there's some degrading shit out there and I can't watch it. But most of the women Ty-Ty polled initally felt like watching porn was a bad thing. The only sane woman in the her focus group was a 25 year-old virgin. Eventually, most of the anti-porn women warmed up to the porn that was written, produced and directed by women. It really is better because its more erotic and emotional. Its not just fucking, cumshot, suck a dick, swallow.....its actual love-making, which is nice.

There is a stark contrast between porn made for women and porn made for men. I always wonder what the guys are like that produce movies that are down right disturbing, the ones where you can see the girl is obviously in pain and not enjoying herself. How can you watch that? Don't these guys have mothers? And then the guys that get off to it, even more disturbing. I will never understand it. You know, I guess you can tell a lot about a person by what type of porn they watch.

Do you watch the porn??

The Holocaust Museum

I highly recommend that you go if you haven't. Not like its some rockin' awesomely fun thing to do, but because its an important (yet tragic) part of world history, and the museum delves so much deeper into what happened compared to what you learn from text books. There were a lot of surprising things to be learned (like how the US intially refused to take in Jewish immigrants that were fleeing from the Third Reich). Also, while we were at the museum book store, there was a Holocaust survivor signing books. She was in Auschwitz. After having been through the entire museum, it felt like such an honor just to merely be in her presence. As goes the Holocaust Museums saying:

THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE INJUSTICE

THE NEXT TIME YOU WITNESS HATRED

THE NEXT TIME YOU HEAR ABOUT GENOCIDE

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU SAW AT THE HOLOCAUST MUSEUM.

Bang Bang

I never thought I would take to discussing politics on this little site, but yesterday something pissed me off beyond belief. The District of Columbia's gun ban was declared unconstitutional as the Supreme Court ruled that the Second Amendment guarantees the right to individual gun ownership. This is a historic decision as many cities across the country have banned guns to prevent violence. Gun advocates are now planning to overturn gun bans in cities--such as Chicago and San Francsico--and attack every single gun control law on the books.

The front page of the Washington Post this morning just pissed me off even more. There was a picture of some gun loving woman waving a sign outside of the Supreme Court supporting the Second Amendment. She was thrilled the gun ban in DC was overturned. She was from Pittsburg. Bitch, you don't even fucking live here! Do you know what DC is like outside of the fucking tourist traps?! The District has a long and sordid history of violence, and we have the noble honor of being selected as one of the most dangerous cities in the country. There was a gun ban for a reason. Mayor Anthony Williams Adrian Fenty's* face just sums up how most of the people who live in this area feel about the gun ban being overturned. See below:

Behind him are the city's interim attorney general, Peter Nickles, and Police Chief Cathy Lanier. Dejected.

The thought of everyone being armed in DC is terrifying. I don't know how people think more guns equals safe. Maybe its just me. I've always been the biggest advocate of gun control. Shit, I decided to write my final paper on the issue for my AP Government class. Its worrisome how this decision is going to affect this country as a whole. Dissenting Justice Stephen Breyer said it best:

Far more important are the unfortunate consequences that today's decision is likely to spawn. Not least of these, as I have said, is the fact that the decision threatens to throw into doubt the constitutionality of gun laws throughout the United States. I can find no sound legal basis for launching the courts on so formidable and potentially dangerous a mission.

Maybe one day, we'll get it right.

*Okay, I had a major brain fart there and typed in the old DC's bow-tie loving mayors name.

Help Fight World Hunger Ya'll!

PLEASE GO TO FREERICE.COM

Based off a simple multiple-choice vocabulary quiz format, for each word definition you answer correctly, the UN World Food Program will donate 20 grains of rice to a nation in need. Even if you get a word wrong, you can keep playing and donating. Any word you answer incorrectly will keep repeating throughout the game until you get it right (look at you! you're learning something!). Really, its a win-win situation.

So, go play, feed some people, and work words like "torpor", "philately", and "mackinaw" into your everyday vocabulary.

I Is Smart!

Picture from PKMousie

I don't how many yogurt eaters are out there, but have you even noticed when you tear into your Yoplait/Dannon/Whateverbrandyoulike, a bit of yogurt comes sputtering out (well flying out for me). Everytime this happens, I scoff, sigh a "dammit" underneath my breath, and wipe the bit of yogurt off my shirt and/or pants. Well today, I decided to open my yogurt top away from me to avoid this from happening for the 478th time.

It only took me two years to realize this. Gawd, I'm slow.

This Is What I Should've Worn To Work Today

Picture from Living The Adventure

Okay. Last I checked, we're having record breaking heat in the city. In fact, today is a Code Red day. Tell me why it's cold as fucking Antarctica in my office? I have on a linen wrap dress and sandals with a summer-weight cashmere cardigan to stay warm. Ha! Stay warm. Hilarious. As soon as I stepped into the office building, I knew I would have to break out the cold weather reserves I have stocked underneath my desk. I stopped in the kitchen to make a big ass cup of tongue-scalding-hot tea. Then I threw on a heavy knit wool yarn sweater coat (that doesn't match) on top of my ensemble. Next I draped a winter wool peacoat over my exposed legs. Then I covered my feet with a heavy knit wool hoodie. And for the grand finale, I covered the peacoat and hoodie with a fleece blanket and tuck the edges underneath everything up to my waist.

Bundled up pretty good huh?

Yeah. No. I'm still freezing.

Why? Because it's so cold all the heat I'm trying to create is just escaping from my head just like when you're outside during winter without your head covered in some way. My fingertips are turning blue. This is not an exaggeration folks. If my phone wasn't dead, I'd take a picture with the camera and post it. Every 15 minutes or so, my entire body will convulse and shiver. All my muscles are tense with cold, thus causing my joints to stiffen.

What's probably causing this problem is that they just replaced the cooling towers (Central A/C's cooling component) for all the buildings in my complex. I'm not talking about the shit you stick in your window, or the unit that's hanging out outside on the side/back or your house. No this is the industrial size shit (it has to cool a 17 story building) that helicopters had to lift up and put on the top of each building for installation. Shit is new and It. Is. Pumping. I'm surprise snow isn't coming in through my vents.

Yes, its hella hot outside, but that is no reason to freeze everyone half to death (I secretly think the building engineers are messing with the main thermostat just to see how cold the new units can get the buidling...you know, for shits and giggles). Everyone's walking around in layers of clothing with their shoulders all hunched up because it's so damn cold. Again, my fingers are turning blue. BLUE! IT'S JUNE, WTF?

The warmer it gets, the harder it's becoming to make clothing choices and selections for work in the morning. If I wear winter clothing (like a heavy winter-weight wool suit, the only clothing that would keep me warm in this office right now), once I step foot outside, I'll sweat all the water out of my body and die. If I dress for the 80-100 degree weather, I risk extremities freezing and falling off inside the office due to frostbite. If I emailed the management company about the temperature in the building, I'd get laughed at (it's a multi-million dollar management company, they don't adjust the main thermostat for anyone).

The only solution I could come up with was to purchase a space heater, which I really didn't want to do (did not want to spend $50 on something that I consider to be a frivolous purchase in today's economy), but I finally broke down and did it because the cold has become intolerable. It will be shipped here tomorrow and I'm so excited to get it, it's like Christmas (hell, it is cold enough in here to be reminiscent of a winter holiday).

Limey Bastard

My significant other, we'll just call him Jim, he always tries to encourage me to try new things when it comes to food and dining. I on the other hand would rather stick to the things I know and like rather than risk going to some restaurant the Post raved about for a special occasion and then end up getting the worst service and food imaginable.

Let me tell you how it works people.....

When Jim tries something new he ends up ordering the most magnificent meal sprinkled with gold dust. When I try something new, I end up getting a steaming pile of dog shit topped with balut (okay maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but I'm trying to prove a point here!). This results in me pushing my food around my plate and picking off his the entire meal because his dish is far more appealing and delicious tasting and mine is just mediocre. I just have the worse luck with the whole "trying new things" deal.

Further discouraging me, was a little trip down the salad dressing aisle at Target one day. I hovered around the Newman's Own section because they make good dressing, the proceeds go to charity, and it was really the only decent brand they had there. I decided to deviate from the normal Italian/Caesar/balsamic dressing I tend to gravitate towards and try something new (!) and different. Thinking back to Bobby Flay and his southwestern flair, I reached for Newman's Own Lime Vinaigrette thinking: This is going to be good! Bobby Flay puts lime into just about every dressing he makes. This will make my boring ass salad taste amazing! Like Bobby Flay made it himself! (Folks, this is how I rationalize poor decisions).

Once I got the bottle to my desk for lunch, I gave the bottle a closer inspection. There didn't seem to be much going on in this $5 bottle of lime vinaigrette. No cilantro, no cumin, no cayenne pepper (things Bobby Flay would totally use, hello!). It looked like basic lime juice, oil, and ground black pepper. That's it. Sure a simple salad dressing with four ingredients can be amazing and refreshing, but this Newman's Own Lime Vinaigrette concerned me. I turned the bottle over and read the back of the label, which admittedly, I should have done in the store, but dammit I got caught up in the excitement of trying something new (!)—or I was just in a rush and I really hate studying food labels. It stated:

Contains All Natural Ingredients. (okay, cool, its Newman's Own, I wouldn't expect anything less)

Water. (gotcha)

Vegetable Oil. (yup, it's a vinaigrette)

SUGAR.

That's when I knew this was probably going to be bad. Sugar is the THIRD ingredient. In a salad dressing. I am not a fan of sweet salad dressings unless it involves bacon in some way, and I didn't see bacon on the ingredient list (damn!).

But I had to keep with the whole trying new things idea, I couldn't give up. I wouldn't allow myself to be a pussy, cave in, run to the fridge, grab my Ken's Lite Northern Italian with Basil & Romano, douse my salad with it and greedily gobble it up. NO! By the grace of gawd, I was going to try that lime vinaigrette! Maybe this time I'll get it right!

I then proceeded to take little baby steps until the actual act of pouring the vinaigrette on my salad and eating it came to fruition.

I opened the bottle and took a whiff. Not bad. Smelled pretty appetizing actually.

I put the cap back on and gave it a good shake and then put a miniscule drop on my finger to taste. Not bad, kind of peppery.

I finally broke out my salad, happily poured it on, and tossed.

I took my first bite. It was a little on the sweet side, but I thought I just didn't toss my salad around enough (insert joke here). So I mixed it up again and took another bite.

It was sweeter.

I took a swig of water and took another bite. Still even sweeter.

I ended up having to throw away the whole salad. There was no salvaging that vinaigrette. It just had this gross lime-gone-wrong super sweet taste with a dash of pepper. Not very appetizing at all.

So, you've been warned. Do not reach for Newman's Own Lime Vinaigrette. Try his many other yummy dressings and products which I love, such as his Vodka Sauce, Lemon-Aided Iced Tea, Honey Mustard Dressing, and Balsamic Vinaigrette. Newman's Own does make some great products, but I think they need to go back to the drawing board (or kitchen...whatever) for that lime vinaigrette.